He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize