She is in my trunk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have already put on my inside pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
