his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
