just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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