She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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