Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
