so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
