my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
