So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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