U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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