watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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