You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
