Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
