I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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