yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
