No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
