I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
should my penis look like a turkey
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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