The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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