how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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