I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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