roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
