when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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