You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
