Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
