Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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