And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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