one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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