Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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