I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
