I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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