my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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