just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
