I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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