I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
