I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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