Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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