What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
