sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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