i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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