I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
