Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
