YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
