I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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