Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
