is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
