Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
