remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
