Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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