My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
