The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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