After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
