I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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