all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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