you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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