Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
