saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
