this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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