Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
