My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize