Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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