I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
