Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
