I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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