so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
