I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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