Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
